Great Day

Today was a wonderful day. I spent five hours in a vehicle driving. Then I drove to work and spent 8 hours there. Then my car was towed. I picked up my car and I drove home. In this entire day I did not get into an accident, have an aneurysm, hurt anyone, I was safe and sound. I did not lose anyone I love.  I was more than ok. My best friend send me this long quote by Bob Marley. In it he describes that as humans, we will never be perfect, but if theres someone out there that even has the ability to make you feel, then hold on to that person. Not just an infatuation, but someone who makes you care more than you normally would. My best friend does that for me. I love her so much. I love how she is always there. I can't imagine a life without her. It's funny because it's said somewhere that you always want a partner who is like your best friend, and I've found that unexpectedly. The way he teaches me about life and how to care for oneself sets my world. I love when we can create an adventure out of nothing, whether it's creating a frisbee golf course in his backyard or racing go-karts. I love how he understands me, in such a way that I never thought was possible. He gets me the same way my best friend does. I had a great day today, and I have a great life. Relationships are important and as Bob Marley said "love hard when there is love to be had."

The Winner Is

It's been awhile since I've recognized the face that looks before me as I stare into the mirror. Whoever wrote the book to life must have written a trillion pages because it has taken me what feels like forever, to find myself again. There is something marvelous to the journey of life, that marks a greater triumph than the destination itself. The question most people spend their entire lives searching for is "what makes me happy?" It's silly how the answers lie right before us. They lie in the everyday moments we share with others. Whether it's making a silly dance video with your friend, or adventuring with a loved one, or just sitting back and enjoying the company of those you love. To love, to live, and to laugh are lifes greatest gifts. To experience them is not something to take for granted. In everything we experience there is loss and there is gain.
When my father left I thought I had lost everything, my family, my soul, my entire world. I gained a strength that has gotten me through the toughest of dilemmas. Through battles of loss, disease, and every obstacle. My greatest gain has been my best friend. She has taught me so much about myself and who I am. She is so strong and beautiful in every way and light. She sees such a positivity in this world, in people, and in me. She loves to paint and do art. Every piece she creates is a whole new world in it of itself for me. She shares with me the deepest parts of her soul, and I love her so much for that. I love how she tells me the truth, how pure and innocent and just absolutely wonderful she is. She is the breath of life that I have been searching for, and all this time for the past two years she has been right in front of me. Never will I take her for granted. She's stuck with me...She was the gain I received out of a loss I had in a relationship. But even that was a gain. I have spent the last three months rediscovering myself, and if it hadn't been for that experience, I would have never encountered the beauties and wonders I have encountered today and have failed to see for the longest. I would not have realized my gifts, my way of being, my true self, my best friend who is my sister, my other half. I would have never woken up.
We are human and in this grand design we are flawed by societies merits, but the real flaw is that we are blind at times. We fail to see the beauty, the potential, and the amazing wonders in people. We forget to believe, and trust, and be happy. We forget to live. The winner is who I am today, and every part that I have been before now. I cannot believe how happy I am with what society may see as so little. I cannot believe that this is how wondrous love truly feels and is. With every ending there is a new beginning. Life does not pass us by. We just fail to see it's beauty at times.

Reality?

What is reality? What defines the perfect relationships, friendships, people, life, dreams... 

I have the belief that life and love are not about giving up things, they are about compromise. Who's to say what the perfect relationship is? The friendship? I have this friend who could not handle me venting about my ex for even a day. Does it make this person a bad friend? I would say no. Why? Because what makes her beliefs about my venting any less than my beliefs on it? What makes a person a good friend? One who doesn't emotionally hurt you or abuse you? Is it one that is always there? What about relationships? How does one love someone the right way? By not getting jealous, being controlling, by not caring enough, by ones perspective or another? What makes it healthy? Is it if you're happy? Because for either side it can be argued. Relationships, life, people, our ideas, are all perspectives.

 Above all what makes anyone's perspective or belief more or less acceptable than anyone elses? The answer is it does not. Life is about compromise, it is about accepting the certain truths and allowing those truths to have their freedom. For example, let's look at what it is to be a good person. Is being a good person: telling the truth, performing community service, being a good friend, partner, lover, human being, accepting? As society would see it, they would say yes. What about the good people who hurt others, who lie, who are not honest with themselves, and take advantage of others and play pretend? We all do this, because we are not certain of everything.

 If we held ourselves to such high moralistic standards, then we are fools. The ids in our minds are selfish and self appeasing. We are human and that saying is not to be taken lightly. We are not high and mighty and full of complete integrity. We all judge, and become envious at times, we demand, criticize based on what the majority tells us is appropriate. We label junkies and drug addicts as less because we follow the "american dream" or the "idealistic good" human being. We label the incidents of a struggled life as excuses for not being able to function in the present....Who the hell is anyone to discern or label it as less or more. Who the hell am I to have an opinion....I am human...We all are, and the inalienable truth is that we are not perfect, there is good and bad in everyone. We are born to make mistakes and learn from them as best as we'd like. I am human, as is the rest of the world, and the world is not perfect. In a perfect world we'd all remove ourselves from our high horses and compromise.

People

Sometimes the answer doesn’t always lie in the person that you want to be, but rather in the person that you already are. Life is always tumbling. It tumbles our hearts, our emotions, our minds, and every piece of us that matters. As we wake up each day, we don’t realize that the people we want to be already exist within us. In part of finding that, we must get through the toughest parts; people. There will be plenty of friendships, backstabbing friends, romance, and heartbreaks. Relationships are meant to build people, not break them. It isn’t always a question of what you two did wrong, sometimes it’s just timing. You can express over and over how much of it just doesn’t matter. Truth is everything does matter.  The way you treat people, matters. What you say about someone matters. How you love a person and handle their heart matters. Don’t kick it out the door because it hurts. Learn from it. Don’t go trying to play the tough guy or girl and pretend as if it doesn’t.  That doesn’t make you a man or woman.  That just makes you a coward. Be above the people who treat you less than what you deserve, karma is a bitch. The point is, life is about relationships. When you have friends and loved ones, the way you treat them is what leads you to the person that you will one day become.

Love

When you come from a large family, it's safe to say that you have a lot of people who love you. One thing that we forget is, what happens when those people begin to lead their own lives. What changes when you're the youngest and all of the sudden it feels as though everyone is just leaving you...I believe the greatest thing a family can give is support. When you have that support, love comes with the package of them being there for you...But what happens when that support, and that love begins to feel as though it no longer exists. My guess is you start to feel lonely. You begin looking to friends, partners, and others for that feeling of love. We begin to depend on them for that eternal happiness, for the feeling of security, and care that we have maybe never had. Eventually, we forget to look to ourselves. Of course all is easier said than done, but it's important to remember that people do love you, and just because they can't be there at every minute of every day for you, doesn't mean that they don't. To make such assumptions can ruin a lot of good friendships and relationships that you may have. Your happiness only depends on yourself and no one else. If you can't love yourself, than how can you expect to allow anyone else to. It's a downer, when we finally realized things, once we've lost them. Ideas don't compare to the real experience. See love is anything but complicated, but the ideas, the insecurities, and the fears we engulf ourselves in, make it an impossible wall for anyone to get through. We become that fear. We eventually are left alone, as a result of our inabilities to believe or trust in the possibility of someone actually loving us. Simply because we've allowed our past experiences to become our present. But I do believe there's always time to start a new. Just let people love you, and love yourself, despite any past encounters, there's no reason not to.