Freddy and the Universe

Freddy and the Universe

Two Peanuts walk into a bar, what happens?

One’s assaulted (a salted)

Laughter…

That was Freddy’s favorite thing.

Freddy was the first boy to welcome me in our counseling group.

He was an 8-year old boy diagnosed with lymphoblastic leukemia.

I met Freddy when I was 17 years old…

I had never seen anyone smile as much as he did.

Freddy wanted to be a pilot and fly space ships.

Freddy had this idea that he could shrink his aircraft and invade people’s bodies and kill their cancers.

That was Freddy.

Ya see everyone thinks that cancer patients are the saddest things, but they are some of the most alive people you will probably ever meet. Freddy was not like the other kids. He wasn’t that special individual that you’d know for a certain amount of time and then forget about.

He was someone you’d remember forever. No matter how far in your mind you’d try to place him. He was that little place in your heart that would kick in an extra beat anytime you were sad or upset.

It’d be an even harder kick if you tried to stray away from your dreams.

Freddy knew my dream.

He knew I had always wanted to be an opera singer and Freddy helped me audition for Juilliard.

I wanted to sing to dark wooden arcs that appeared as a sky.

And Freddy pushed me towards that dream.

He’d sit with me and he’d listen to me sing over and over.

It didn’t matter how flat or sharp I was, Freddy always said I’d knock ‘em dead.

Freddy died before I could tell him I was accepted.  At this point I was so far gone I declined my acceptance.

And fell into this deep whole.  A hole so deep, not even Freddy’s spaceship could reach me.

Losing Freddy didn’t feel like losing a relative. I didn’t have the chance to grow up with him or see the kind of person he’d become…

Freddy didn’t die a painless death. I was not there to wish him goodbye or to hold his hand the way he’d hold mine.

He was only 8 years old and he could seriously light up the world if it had gone dark. He always had a smile, and when things didn’t go his way he’d pretend they did.

I ask myself why is it that we are given the choice to kill, to harm, to cause pain, even the choices to love, and be loved, but not always the choice to live no matter how hard we fight. I never understood life, but Freddy did. Freddy saw life as the universe, and he saw dying as him just traveling to another planet. And for Freddy… that was ok.